i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
