My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
