Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
