So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize