Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
