i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
