question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
