I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
