that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
