I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Is it penis luge time yet?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
