it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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