Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
