some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
do nipples grow back?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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