i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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