yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
