My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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