I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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