Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
