WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
