she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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