mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
