I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
