he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
