The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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