Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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