also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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