Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
the raccoons are back...
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