OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
