I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
