I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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