I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
