listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
