I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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