OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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