Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
