I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
