she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
