Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
