Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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