Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
