He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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