I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't deserve a penis
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
