she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize