and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
