Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
