We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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