and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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