Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
