you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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