I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
