He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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