his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
