where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
