i permit you to call me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize