you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
