I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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