I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
