He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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