This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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