You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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