If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
