I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
