Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
