I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
