I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
