Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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