Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
