You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
