you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
