apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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