I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
