fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
