I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
