as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
