Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
