so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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