Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
