Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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