Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
