well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize