if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
