Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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