I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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