btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
