break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize