where am i from again
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
