You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
