I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
