well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
