I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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