Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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