it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
