I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
