she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
no. you can't hotbox the world.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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