Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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