Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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