My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
