That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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