dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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