im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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