You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
