im having a threesome with these popsicles
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
