I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
