I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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