Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
